Few things in sports can get a fan’s nerves up like being told you get to take a half-court shot at an NBA or WNBA game for cash or a car.
Sure, you could, by some miracle, make the shot, but you’re more likely to embarrass yourself in front of an arena full of people… at least the ones who are still in their seats and aren’t in line for a beer or the bathroom.
But, at least we can all be sure that if you take a shot, the odds of it being a worse display than one put on by a Portland Fire fan over the weekend are very, very low.
A recent attempt at the Portland Fire’s half-court shot competition is going, and not for good reasons. (Photo by Ali Gradischer/Getty Images))
The Fire (whose logo I only just realized is a flaming rose. Seriously, I’ve had an easier time decoding death metal band logos) have a half-court shot competition according to their website. It’s sponsored by Toyota, meaning that draining the shot earns you a brand new Toyota.
Hopefully a Land Cruiser. Those are cool.
One fan got this golden opportunity on Sunday when the Fire took on the Los Angeles Sparks and… well, let’s just say that Portland area Toyota dealers were not sweating it on this one.
Oh, dear God…
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Rule No. 1 of half-court shots should be that whatever you do, your biggest goal is to at least hit the backboard. I’d argue it’s much better to airmail that ball into the club level seats than it is to barely get it past the free throw line.
That’s a rough look as it is, but imagine putting every last drop of mustard you have on the ball to the point that you go scrawling across that flaming rose logo (seriously, did anyone else not pick up on that at first?). That tells the entire crowd in attendance you gave it your all… which is normally good, but that’s not enough “all.”
Not to pile on this guy, but regulation WNBA basketballs are also smaller and lighter than their NBA counterparts. (Photo by Jeff Bottari/NBAE via Getty Images)
The big winner in all of this is that guy’s glasses. Talk about a snug fit. Those things were on there!
That was maybe the only thing that went right for him. If those specs had gone clattering across the hardwood, I think he would’ve had to change his name, move out of Portland, and start rooting for a new WNBA team.
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Luckily for him, he wasn’t the only loser as the Fire fell to the Sparks that night 106-101.